Never enough

I am not shy about sharing that I have been in therapy for a while (and highly recommend it if you aren't).

One of the themes that continues to come up for me is that I never feel like I am enough. I don't feel like it's possible for me to ever be satisfied with where I am or what I am doing, whether it's being a husband, a dad, an employee, a volunteer, etc.

It's been a pretty consistent theme for me. Lately, I am constantly reminded of my "never enough" issue. Whether it's watching and crying at The Greatest Showman (who doesn't?), which is all about not being enough, or seeing the title of a friend's book called "Never Enough" all about how we raise kids, I am thinking about this a lot.

So this week, we discussed it in therapy again, and my therapist shared a poem with me that really resonated, so I wanted to share it here.

The poem is called Because by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer and really spoke to me.

So I can’t save the world—

can’t save even myself,

can’t wrap my arms around

every frightened child, can’t

foster peace among nations,

can’t bring love to all who

feel unlovable.

So I practice opening my heart

right here in this room and being gentle

with my insufficiency. I practice

walking down the street heart first.

And if it is insufficient to share love,

I will practice loving anyway.

I want to converse about truth,

about trust. I want to invite compassion

into every interaction.

One willing heart can’t stop a war.

One willing heart can’t feed all the hungry.

And sometimes, daunted by a task too big,

I tell myself what’s the use of trying?

But today, the invitation is clear:

to be ridiculously courageous in love.

To open the heart like a lilac in May,

knowing freeze is possible

and opening anyway.

To take love seriously.

To give love wildly.

To race up to the world

as if I were a puppy,

adoring and unjaded,

stumbling on my own exuberance.

To feel the shock of indifference,

of anger, of cruelty, of fear,

and stay open. To love as if it matters,

as if the world depends on it.

If you made it this far and you are at all interested, I'd love to hear what you think of the poem; if it spoke to you, what it meant, etc.

I am happy, but also inspired. I hope this isn't an overshare but you never know if others feel like I do so it was worth it to me to write this post. I have blogged about impostor syndrome before, and those two feelings (never enough, being an impostor) are closely linked.