In case you didn't know, I am Jewish. The holidays don't mean a lot to me because they are in the bible or some Rabbi interpreted a text from 2000 years ago, but they are very important to me in other ways.
The Jewish holidays for me are a time for reflection and a time to think about myself and my life. Am I happy? What could I be doing differently or better? Am I contributing to the world? Am I supportive?
Yom Kippur was on 10/11 this year. A few years ago, I couldn't fast (which I have done most of my life) because I was on chemo, so I decided that I would take a walk in the woods, no podcasts or music, and think about life. I wanted to think through what matters to me, how I am spending my time, and how I am doing things aligned with my values. It turns out that I loved doing it and have kind of made it an annual tradition for myself, a reflection on my last year and a look ahead to my next year. If I were putting it in business terms, I would say these reflection times for me are like my own personal strategic planning offsites.
So, In September of 2022, I came out of that walk in Forest Park (a beautiful area in Portland) with my "strategic plan" or "guiding principles". I use them almost every day as filters that help me make decisions and guide me to do things that matter to me. They are meant to be a little fluid and change over time if needed.
My 2022 guiding principles were:
Heal myself
Help others heal
Help others who help others heal (work and volunteering)
Quick example. I was on the board of an org that promoted marketing in the Pacific Northwest. Promoting marketing doesn't align with my guiding principles so I resigned from that board and started volunteering for orgs that help people.
In the fall (September) of 2023, I was in Glacier National Park. For my "walk in the woods" year two, I did a 10-mile hike named Iceberg Lake. I decided to think about my three principles. Are they the correct ones? Do I need to add or adjust? How am I doing meeting those principles? I reviewed them all and realized I was missing a big one, supporting my friends and family. Now, I know I have my own stuff to deal with, but we all do. I need to make sure that I am there for my friends and family for any support they need. So, now I have 4:
Heal myself
Better support my friends and family (new addition in 2024)
Help others heal
Help others who help others heal
That felt better and right. So those 4 are what I have been focused on for the past year.
This year I took my walk again in Forest Park (in October). I reviewed my four principles, one at a time, and gave myself grades for each. They are as follows with my explanations for the grades (I am a tough grader)
Heal myself
Grade: B-. I am doing well considering. I still do a lot of what I want when I want and my treatment is fairly light. But, I can do better at taking care of myself aside from cancer. Regular yoga, exercise, etc and finding a real Integrative Oncologist point person to help me
Better support my friends and family (new addition in 2024)
Grade: B. This was new. I am trying and thinking about this a lot but I know that I can always be a better, more supportive husband, dad and friend
Help others heal
Grade: B+. I feel good on this one. I have helped a lot of patients and set up places for people to feel connected. I am also helping people beyond just NETs patients with blogging, Cure (I am on their blogging team), storytelling, facebook groups, etc. I do need to focus on my groups more
Help others who help others heal
Grade: B. I have started to learn more about the difference I want to make and am making, and what isn’t worth my effort or frustration because it doesn’t help people. I am learning a lot in the volunteer world about what matters to me and what can help others
So that was my honest evaluation of how I am doing. I did realize two other things that have since been added. I want to be present in everything I do and I want to know and accept myself. These aren't individual guiding principles but they apply to everything that I do.
My grades for my two new things:
Be Present
Grade: C+. I am way better than I used to be but I could be present even more. Not worrying about things out of my control, and minimizing stress over "what ifs" will all help me and that starts with being more present in the moment and living one day at a time
Know and accept myself
Grade: B-. This is a never-ending journey but I am so much further than I used to be. I listen a lot to my intuition and I am very focused on what is right and the best thing for me. My body and mind know what's best for me so listening to myself is critical
Here is my graphic that puts it all together (yes, I am not an artist):
Krista had a great idea for me to try to grade myself based on what I was like more than two years ago for comparison's sake. I haven't done that yet but thought it was an interesting idea that is definitely worth my looking into.
So, those are my reflections. It's actually been a great process for me to go through formally once a year (and informally way more often). I have learned so much, am so grateful, and still have a ways to go. It's also created real meaning for me in something that I used to just do because I have always done it (celebrating holidays). Happy new year!
Since I am blogging, quick health updates:
Still feeling mostly pretty good
My fatigue is still not great and I usually need to rest every afternoon
My only medical treatments are still my shot every 28 days and scans every 3 months or so
We got a second opinion from a doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York. Krista and I both really liked her and she is going to act as a consultant on my team (she told me she'd be honored to be on my team, how nice is that?)
I am getting my 3 month scans this week and have an appointment with the oncologist, wish me luck! Hopefully, I am still stable and life can go on as "normal"